A friend of mine, K, has recently gone into a relationship. K's friends have been unsupportive of K's partner, saying that they don't match and it probably won't work. K was not able to find out the reason behind despite grilling the friends for further info. So now K was left in the lurch whether to trust his partner or to trust his friends.
I have never been in such situation before but i just try my best to give him my 2 cents. I asked him to check the facts again with his friends. What exactly do they mean? Surely there is something going on if a few friends saying the same thing right? If these friends really care about u, im sure they would reveal the real reason underneath.
I also asked him whether he knows any of his partner's friends. He could probably know more about the partner too from there. The past stories, the good points, bad points etc..
Last but not least, is to give himself more time to understand the partner since they are still pretty new in this relationship. There is no harm spending more time together to understand each other better.
And of course, there is other underhanded technique like checking the spouse's cellphone etc. But i would not recommend it simply because its invasion of individual privacy and u do not give due respect to the spouse (if the spouse is indeed clean).
Have u ever been in this shoe? How do u deal with these unwanted publicity of your spouse? Would u check on your spouse's cellphone or even msn?
13 comments:
hmmm i think the friends' of k are responsible to reveal the reasons lor, otherwise they should just shut their mouth and pretend to b happy. like what u said, if they r truly care abt k, they should protect him from very beginning, and not later.
but checking handphone and friend of k? *rolleyes* i will so dump the person if i were k's bf, i mean even at the very beginning of the relationship u have no respect for me (and my privacy), i dont see how is that possible for us to develop any further! might as well save the time and effort. in this case i rather the 'bf' confronts me directly than grilling my friends. again mayb im the exceptional weirdo who feel so agitated, other ppl might enjoy their privacy being intruded.
Hmm... i think i will trust the spouse, cos if u check on it, the trust in between will collapse, n once he/she knows u had done this b4, the relationship will getting more tension.. so if he loves his spouse, better trust her.
From my experience (the one an only)...if more than 1 person questioning about your fren's partner...then i think sure got something behind that your fren dont know.
Cell phone? I never do that...and it is not advisable.
@Happy: i agree with what u said. Its better to confront the spouse directly if u respect and truly love your spouse..btw..why ur so agitated leh? Your spouse checked on u before? :P
@chris: yeah i think the spouse will probably throw a fit if he/she finds out u been checking him.
@terick: i think ur point is valid. There is no such thing as loving someone half-heartedly. Its either u love and trust the spouse completely or u dont believe at all..
Perhaps K should for now, be prepared to really go slow until the coast is all clear for moving up another gear. I wish him well! ^_^
+Ant+
@anton: totally agree! thanks for ur constructive comment!
I agree with Happy,the frens shuld reveal the reasons of hating K's bf...
K shuld know the background of the Bf better as he had spent more time with the bf...Don't tell me that K agreed to the relationship on the 1st meet.
On checking the Msn or phone,it will show that K doesn't trust the bf and the relationship will go south fast
well, i think it's not wise to check on the cellphone, as this is invasion of privacy and breakage of trust..
guess it has to go through logical judgement by grilling the friends for what's happening, as i think true friends are there to help.. and whether you want to believe what's happening to the partner's past - it all depend on yourself, how much you are going to accept your partner..
@akira: erm yeah i think he agreed to it on first encounter..now everything is like maggi mee mah...5 minute to fall in love and another 5 to breakup!
@SK: true. it boils down to acceptance. U gotta accept the good and bad, all in a package.
hmmm~ if i didnt suspect anything fishy, i will not check anything at all~ but in another way... i will jst blast off his head
@L²: wah so extreme meh...
Yeah, i think that also..
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