start anew..

Its officially over... Time for me to get on with it, start anew, begin a new chapter of my life...

I shall not dwelve myself in useless thoughts, silly hopes and unrealistic expectations anymore...

:)

原來我是如此脆弱

今天不知何故又不經意地又想起了和他一起的一點一滴。心酸酸的。眼眶慢慢又濕了。在沒有他陪伴的這幾天，我反覆的想著這問題。

為何我不能包容他的脾氣？為何我不能包容他的固執？人畢竟是有缺點的。是不是我不夠愛他，所以無法包容他的一切？我也犯了錯誤。在他最需要關心的時候，我盡然嫌他煩。。就忘了他對我的好。

他肯對我訴說就證明了他相信我，信任我。我無法原諒我自己。我很討厭此刻的我。。。

Swine flu

This is a video podcast from CDC about swine flu that is currently becoming a pandemic across european countries. Remember to keep good personal hygiene and seek medical attention if u have symptoms described.

For latest update on the situation, click here.

when tears come out by itself

From starting to the finishing line we just known each other for one month. This is the most memorable month of my life. We chatted, we met each other, we comforted each other, we laughed, we quarreled, we walked together...

Now that i have drawn the finishing line myself, because somewhere deep in my heart i know we are not as compatible as i thought to be. This month we started, we left footprints in each others heart and now we ended our journey together...

I know that its meaningless to continue if its not meant to be. I really know its pointless to prolong suffering. But then why does my heart still ache?

Nevertheless i shall keep it close to my heart because i believe i have learnt something out of it...

Tu Lan (Difficult) people

Today met a Tu-Lan patient (hokkien dialect for difficult people) ... Its a she. A pregnant she. She came for a routine follow-up for her precious pregnancy. Did a antenatal scan for her and found that its a breech presentation (means head is up and buttock is down-reverse position).

So told her needed to refer to hospital for further management possibly arrange for elective Caesaerean date. Bear in mind she is ALREADY at late stage of her pregnancy 37 weeks (around 9 months+).

Then she told me she already done a scan in a private specialist centre named A****o and was told everything normal. Shown her the scan and she still doesnt believe. Afternoon she came back for the referral letter to hospital but she still doesnt believe it and wants to see back the private centre to confirm again.

My question is : If u doubt my skill then why u come to see me in the first place le? Because its cheap or FOC in government clinics? Just for fun? Haiz...whatever, u can go and scan hundreds and thousands of time in your other fancy clinics. Just dont come here when u want to deliver :)

Im not mad but breech presentation REALLY should be delivered in a tertiary hospital where Caesaran delivery can be carried out. So there u go...scan all u like. And sayonara!!

As they say in the service sector, customer comes first, though they are not always right ... and they have all the right to choose who and where they wanna go. As long as i know i have done my part :)




update 28/4/09: just got news from my colleague that she delivered vaginally in a tertiary hospital. and yes...its a breech!

Hmm..

Nothing much to post today...at least not depressing story again :)

Saw one of my patients in a coffee shop while having lunch today. He is a 50+ year old chinese uncle with previous history of colon cancer. Operated 6 times before due to some complications. Now using a colostomy bag (if u dont know what is it just google it :) We chatted for a while...just everyday minor things nothing serious.

He keep saying its alrite to smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day since he is going to die soon anyway. I could not persuade him to quit but hope he will try to at least cut down. I know he doesnt mean what he says cause he still cares about his children.

Then i have to make a run cause have to continue work again. Its almost 2pm already. Then the tauke (coffee shop owner) told me the uncle already paid for my lunch...I was surprised to hear that because i never really did anything for him to deserve it....No free lunch in this world, right?

Apparently not. It left a sweet aftertaste in my heart. Not because its free lunch but because i realize that im not a unlikeable person after all :)

a thought provoking ad

Good guy Bad guy

As u probably have noticed, my posting throughout this April month has been scarce and on the depressing side. The fact is...i really had a bad month so far. And while i was tracing back, it probably has to do with me being righteous and upholding virtues while meeting people or doing things.

All these while we are taught that we should be a decent person, so called good guy, since we were small by our parents or society at large. But sometimes by being the good guy, things backfire and it does not have a good ending..

U trust people and believe in what they said...and in the end it turns out that its all lies...

And when u disagree to do something for somebody because u think its not the correct and righteous thing to do...but people think ur being snobbish or ur not being honest...

Now can someone tell me, when good guy is being bullied or taken granted of, should he instead forget all his virtues and sense of righteousness and just assimilate himself in this filthy society...and just be another bad guy?

I have no answer to this question. I just need a dose of anaesthesia...

used to it..

He has always been the one that keeps a low profile around people. He comes and he goes and people wont even know that he was there. He spends most of the time by himself engrossed in what interests him, always trying to find excuse or reasons to reject offers, be it offer of having meal together, play together, work together.

He doesnt know why he feels uneasy around unfamiliar or new people, though he has nothing against them. After moving to a totally new place, he came to a new level that is eat alone, be it breakfast, lunch, dinner...he has to adapt it...in order to survive. Though deep inside, he hopes the shadow he saw does not belong to him, for once...

worst april's fool ever...

Today is the worst april fool day ever in my life...got stabbed not once but twice at vital area. I gonna die from hemorrhagic shock very soon if this continues...